Tom Shields Goes Forth is definitely the last collection of 'bits' from his diary column in The Herald, before old age and infirmity force him into early retirement. A compendium of fun, insult and malapropism, Tom Shields Goes Forth delves irreverently into every aspect of Scottish society. Like the author's newspaper diary, this is a quirky, witty commentary on life as we know it. Casting a scrupulous eye over the humdrum aspects of society that we mere mortals take for granted, Tom Shields revels in the inconsistencies and incongruities - and other longish words - of everyday cultural artefacts. For those unfortunate enough to have read the first three books in the series, Tom Shields Goes Forth is the icing on a cake which has entertained generations and endangered that common species: boredom. Packed with what the author considers to be funny jokes, anecdotes and waggish observations, this book is a collection for those who believe that life is best lived with more than a generous pinch of salt and with the tongue lodged firmly in the cheek.
South American rats settle arguments by boxing. Tuna fish sunbathe and herring communicate with each other by breaking wind. Llamas hum to each other, elephants impersonate traffic sounds and whales sing ballads. Some kangaroos grow on trees.
Strange new, scientifically proven facts about the animal kingdom emerge seemingly every day. Here, gathered together in one book, are hundreds of the funniest, most fascinating and plain bizarre things we have discovered about the non-human world.
All animal life is here: from the only dog that can develop gout to the wren whose song sounds just like Beethoven, from the cattle that generate electricity to the worm that has the power to brainwash. It is a book full of surprises. Who would have thought giraffes can't trot, reindeer 'fly' after taking magic mushrooms or that elk turn nasty when drunk? Who would have known that shark embryos attack, that caterpillars tap dance or that - out of our earshot - male mice are serenading their girlfriends with high-pitched love songs? And who on earth would have guessed that male pandas court potential partners by performing handstands?
If you are already an addict of the Herald's Diary, this sixth collection of comic wisdom will confirm what you've long suspected - that the Diary's benign and anecdotal brand of laugh-out-loud Scottish satire is the perfect accompaniment for every social occasion (except perhaps funerals).If you've so far been unaware of the Diary, buying this handy distillation of its best parts will increase your virility, stave off dengue fever, combat emotional turmoil and charm cats down from trees - possibly. From the coruscating humour of the pub to the innocent sayings of the playground, from the gallows humour of the courts to the doubtful wit of our politicians, the Diary faithfully records the funny and odd byways of Scotland. Compiled by Ken Smith and David Belcher with the generous assistance of Herald readers around the world, all of whom are keen to share their delight at the ridiculousness of humanity, the very best of the Diary is squeezed within these pages.
It's back! The bestselling, blockbusting, bumper book of humorous"ations rides back into town with over 6, 000 new"es. From times past to the modern day, classic funnies to contemporary wit, The Funniest Thing You Never Said 2 delivers an unbeatable selection of fantastic and hilarious"es on every subject under the sun. Featuring topics as diverse as celebrity to religion, and including a cast of"ees ranging from Oscar Wilde to Homer Simpson, there's something here for everyone with a sense of humour.
'A fool sees not the same tree that a wise man sees, ' as William Blake so aptly put it. What he probably meant, being a publisher and a printer himself, was that the wise man cuts down the tree and turns the resultant paper into a one-size-fits-all book packed with the sagest advice, quips and"ations from some of the wisest and funniest people whose counsel you could ever wish to hear.
A Word from the Wise isa one-stop shop with over 6, 000"es. It's a vast resource, but every one is a gem, from such knowledgeable souls as Hunter S Thompson, The Talmud, Dorothy Parker and Daffy Duck.
With each"e handily placed within every possible category you could think of, and with more"es in every genre than anywhere else, A Word From the Wise is a must for anyone who thinks they could do with knowing a little bit or a lot more.
'A"ation at the right moment is like bread in a famine' The Talmud
'Imagination is more important than knowledge' Albert Einstein
'If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars' John Paul Getty
'Violence is the repartee of the illiterate' George Bernard Shaw
'Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition' Timothy Leary
'A narcissist is someone better-looking than you are' Gore Vidal
Crossing continents and centuries Stephen Arnott brings us invaluable information about all kinds of bizarre regional customs - from sexual practices to the received wisdom on cannibalism - that could save you from embarrassing local faux pas while travelling.
Did you know that amongst the Tartars, relations of the bride and bridegroom would traditionally divide into two groups and fight each other until some had suffered bleeding wounds? It was thought that causing blood to flow in this way would ensure the couple had strong sons; or that in Hungary, a cure for infertility was to beat a barren woman with a stick? The stick having previously been used to separate mating dogs; or that amongst some Aboriginal tribes of New South Wales that men who had any contact with their mothers-in-law would suffer terrible hard luck? The threat was so great that married men even avoided looking in their mother-in-law's general direction.
If you've ever wondered what boys really think of girls and what girls really think of boys, this is your chance to find out. Do boys think girls have a better dress sense? Do girls think boys are better at maths and science? And who has the most disgusting habits? Packed full of opinions, from the ridiculous to the frighteningly spot-on, this book might make you mad, it might make you laugh out loud and it will certainly surprise you.
James Thurber was the most original, influential and, less we should forget, funniest American humorist of the last century. Writing and drawing cartoons for the New Yorker magazine from it's beginnings in the 1930s, he steadily shaped his own unique comic universe: a world governed by absurd logic where the trivial anxieties of everyday life slowly grind down its resigned citizens. Thurber's tales, alternately related in bemused deadpan and bewildered rage and are always excruciatingly funny and occasionally quietly disturbing too. This brand new selection, the first in over 50 years, reassembles his finest work for a new generation brought up on David Lynch and Jerry Seinfeld and features all his famous obsessions: the battle of the sexes, animals, travel, the delusional and certifiably insane. His 'casuals', as he liked to call his short pieces, drift between commercial fiction and surreal memoir. Spanning his whole career, this collection includes all his classic writings and cartoons, 'The Dream Life of Walter Mitty', 'The Catbird Seat', 'The Seal in the Bedroom', and half-forgotten gems that may be new even to fully qualified Thurber fans.
In Fur Shui Paula takes readers on a light-hearted romp through the application of the ancient and venerable universal laws of energy drawn from The Black Hat School of Feng Shui and how they relate to the furry folk world of pets and animals. This primer introduces a new branch of animal Feng Shui that she calls 'fur shui' and offers insight into how Black Hat Feng Shui translates into Black Cat Fur Shui.
A delightfully illustrated guide to animal energies, Fur Shui features helpful charts as well as information on fur elementals and cycles, fur chi dos and don'ts and do-it-yourself tips on moving back into positive fur chi flow and balance. It's a charming look at the flow of energy in animals and how we can apply this knowledge in fun yet practical ways.
It's back! The bestselling, blockbusting, bumper book of humorous"ations rides back into town with over 6, 000 new"es. From times past to the modern day, classic funnies to contemporary wit, The Funniest Thing You Never Said 2 delivers an unbeatable selection of fantastic and hilarious"es on every subject under the sun. Featuring topics as diverse as celebrity to religion, and including a cast of"ees ranging from Oscar Wilde to Homer Simpson, there's something here for everyone with a sense of humour.
Nothing less than a catalogue of the most courageous motoring disasters of all time, Tony Davis has stepped behind the wheel of some of the world's most notoriously bad cars. From the 1958 Ford Edsel, which made 'Edsel' a byword for failure, to the much-loved travesty that was the P76 (when people took in the P76 for warranty work they provided a list of things that didn't need fixing), these cars really are the pits. Bad design, appalling execution, ridiculous pretensions, ludicrous names -- this detailed and hilarious look at automotive atrocities from the 1950s to the present day is nothing les than a motoring Hall of Shame.
101 of the world's most downright awful cars are given the once-over, from the East German Trabant, with its cotton-reinforced body, to the dafter-than-you'd-believe-possible Lightburn Zeta Sports, via the Corvair, Cedric, Pinto and Imp. It's all here -- the harebrained, the unsightly, the excruciatingly dull and the magnificently unsuccessful.
From Alfa to Zeta, from the tiny to the gargantuan, and from the endearingly incompetent to the bombastically stupid, Naff Motors will leave you not only laughing, but also wondering how so many car manufacturers got away with so much for so long.
Whether for the loo or bedside entertainment or as a work of reference or self-improvement The Funniest Thing You Never Said is the biggest and best humorous"ation book there is - a complete one-stop shop of witty one liners."ations are ordered not by A-Z, but by thematic categories: love; business; religion; celebrity, you name it, every category is covered.
The collection includes all the classics from Oscar Wilde to Winston Churchill, Dorothy Parker to Groucho Marx but also mines many new hidden gems from lesser lights and includes many contemporary"es by everyone from Jilly Cooper to Jonathan Ross. A standard companion for new collectors, and a fresh perspective for serious"ation addicts.
If you've ever wondered what boys really think of girls and what girls really think of boys, this is your chance to find out. Do boys think girls have a better dress sense? Do girls think boys are better at maths and science? And who has the most disgusting habits? Packed full of opinions, from the ridiculous to the frighteningly spot-on, this book might make you mad, it might make you laugh out loud and it will certainly surprise you.
Over the years, when not wearing his acting, television or novelist trousers, Stephen Fry has written many articles and itemries for magazines, newspapers and radio. This second volume of Stephen Fry's witty and incisive articles from the pages of the LISTENER and DAILY TELEGRAPH provides the perfect way to while away the hours. As the title suggests, PAPERWEIGHT will make a handy desk-top accessory as well as a friendly literary guacamole into which the tired and hungry reader might happily dip the tortilla chip of his curiosity whenever the fancy takes him.
Featuring stories from a host of top children's authors and illustrators including Tony Ross, Dyan Sheldon, G. K. Chesterton and Nicholas Allan, this creepy compendium is packed with ghosts, witches, monsters and bogeymen - all the ingredients needed for a tremulous tale at bedtime, or any time! Brand new illustrations from Nicholas Allan accompany a ghostly tale from Hilltop Hospital, the exuberant witch who got on at Paddington station brightens the lives of a host of commuters and a resourceful little boy catches the elusive Bogeyman. -These wonderfully creepy stories will thrill and delight the youngest of readers, without scaring them out of their wits!