Do you love chocolate? Do you love chilli? Do you love feeling like your tongue is melting & your tears are on fire? Within this unassuming & sleek black packaging lies the supremely hot delicacy you've been waiting for – Instant Regret Chilli Chocolate. We extracted the capsaicin (the hot bit) from the hottest chillies available, the resulting infusion burns like a thousand suns, & then we made delicious milk chocolate with it. Or at least, that was the plan. If you’re the kind of seasoned curry connoisseur who asks for extra spicy, or the type to drizzle Tabasco liberally on everything, then this may well be a dream come true. However be warned, this ludicrously hot chocolate is not for the faint of heart... it’s not even really for fun. Strictly speaking, it’s probably not chocolate at all. So just to confirm for anyone in the remotest of doubt – our Instant Regret Chocolate really is extraordinarily hot. The factory didn't really want to make it. It's fair to say that it turned out quite a bit hotter than anyone expected. Still, what is joy without pain – excruciating oral & internal pain? Challenge yourself, & your friends. You won’t regret it.* * Seriously, you almost certainly WILL regret it. ...

THIS IS THE WORLD'S HOTTEST CHILLI CHOCOLATE LOLLIPOP! Even the daintiest lick is like plunging your tongue into the roaring fires of hell. So why not challenge a mate & see who can hold it in their mouth the longest? Seems like a perfectly rational thing to do, right? ...

Within this unassuming matte black bag lies the world's hottest chilli chocolate lollipop. Well, two of them – one for you & one for your equally brave & foolish friend. These mercilessly hot Instant Regret Lollipops are infused with our signature 6.4 million Scoville extract & guaranteed to cause immense physical & mental suffering. Just for reference, the humble jalapeño is a paltry 3.5 thousand Scovilles – childs play, a walk in the park. But even the lightest, daintiest lick of these lollipops is like plunging your tongue into the roaring fires of hell. Or knocking back a shot of fresh lava. Or sucking on a red-hot branding iron. Yum! Soooo why not challenge a mate & see who can hold it in their mouth the longest? Seems like a perfectly rational thing to do, right? ...

Everyone loves a game of chance. Particularly when death is involved. There's a strange allure. It's the ultimate challenge. Thankfully you'll not be sat in a dimly-lit Russian basement, feverishly placing a stone-cold muzzle against your sweaty temple, spinning the chamber, screwing your eyes shut & pulling the trigger of destiny. In many respects this is actually worse ...

Our campaign to add abominable quantities of chilli to everything in sight continues, as we now give vodka the Instant Regret treatment! If you thought you pulled a mad face after necking a shot of tequila, think again. Once you pop the cork there's no turning back. Pour out a couple of measures of this dark & diabolical liquid, raise one last nervous toast & get ready to feel the fires of hell coursing through your innards. How many Scovilles, Firebox? TELL US THE DAMN SCOVILLES!! Sooo, the factory has taken a vow of silence. They're giving nothing away. Presumably because they're genuinely afraid of the beast they've managed to create. Is it possible to reach a billion Scovilles? Because they might have. It f*cking tastes like it! All you need to know is, we've tried it & it really is outrageously hot. We wouldn't have given it our Instant Regret seal of "approval" otherwise. Shots anyone? ...

These <strong>high-quality polyester beanies</strong> are tenderly sewn by virile young seamstresses near the banks of the Polish Bia&322;a River, & feature astounding workmanship. You can literally <strong>smell the quality</strong> & care that goes into their creation. ...

You can see through it... but will you see it through? Just when you thought jigsaw puzzles couldn't get any more befuddling, along comes the Invisi-Puzzle! This infuriating puzzle is made up entirely of transparent perspex pieces & is guaranteed to push your patience to the absolute brink. Thankfully there are 'only' 300 pieces, but your dining table is going to be out of action for months! ...

Just when you thought jigsaw puzzles couldn't get any more befuddling, along comes the Invisi-Puzzle! This infuriating puzzle is made up entirely of transparent perspex pieces & is guaranteed to push your patience to the absolute brink. Sure you can slot together a few edge pieces, even casual puzzlers can do that, but just you wait 'til you're faced with a box full of almost identical shapes
- & not even a reference picture to help you out. Thankfully there are 'only' 300 pieces, but your dining table is going to be out of action for months!
...

Mucky touch screen? Forget scraggy tissues; keep your handheld gizmos gleaming with this revolutionary ‘wet cleaning’ system. Featuring a sponge tip that soaks up fluid from an internal reservoir, the take-anywhere Cleaning Kit leaves iPhones, PSPs & more looking box fresh. It even comes with an integrated soft-tip stylus for sausage-fingered gadgeteers. ...

Mucky touch screen? Forget scraggy tissues; keep your handheld gizmos gleaming with this revolutionary ‘wet cleaning’ system. Featuring a sponge tip that soaks up fluid from an internal reservoir, the take-anywhere Cleaning Kit leaves iPhones, PSPs & more looking box fresh. It even comes with an integrated soft-tip stylus for sausage-fingered gadgeteers. ...