This collection of over 2500 hilariously funny & wickedly naughty jokes contains the most brainless ridiculous nutty & wacky wisecracks ever invented. From addled animals to witless wizards there are lots of brand new jokes pathetic puns & raving riddles: whats the best way to raise a strawberry? With a spoon. Waiter this soup is disappointing? Why? What did you expect it to do? What should you write on a chickens tombstone? Roast in Peace. Whats white on the outside & gray on the inside? An elephant hiding inside an envelope. What do you call a woman with a fire on her head? Anita. ...

Everyone thinks they know Sid James
- the Carry On star & womaniser who drank himself to death after the end of his affair with
...

EXPAND YOUR IMAGINATION Smashing Photoshop CS5 is loaded with 100 creative & innovative techniques to help jump-start your creativity & inspire you to do more with your designs & photographs. This book is aimed at designers artists & photographers who want to become proficient in Photoshop CS5 getting you quickly up to speed with many of the fantastic new tools & features. Author Sue Jenkins is a photographer & web & graphic designer author software instructor & Adobe Certified Expert. Using her knowledge & years of expertise in the field she provides 100 hints special effects & techniques that will enable you to extend your existing skills & to develop & execute new ideas & trends. Smashing Photoshop CS5 is the ideal guide to help you to get the best out of Photoshop CS5. This book will teach you how to perform specific tasks using a variety of tools filters styles adjustment layers & more. With Smashing Photoshop CS5 you will learn how to: * MAKE 3D TEXT WITH REPOUSSE * CREATE ENGRAVED TYPE * DESIGN A BLOG HEADER * STIMULATE HIGH DYNAMIC RANGE IMAGES * MAKE RETRO HALFTONES * WORK WITH CUSTOM BRUSHES * USE CONTENT-AWARE SCALING * TRANSFORM WITH PUPPET WARP * TRACE PHOTOS * MAKE SCALE MODELS * MIMIC CROSS-PROCESSING (XPRO) * EDIT WITH LAYER MASKS * CORRECT IMAGE DISTORTION * RETOUCH & RESTORE IMAGES * EDIT WITH THE VANISHING POINT * CREATE PANORAMAS Key Topics Covered: Part I: Web Layout & Optimization Part II: Photoshop CS4 & CS5 Techniques Part III: Text Effects Part IV: Studio & Commercial Effects Part V: Special Effects Part VI: Image Distressing Part VII: Image Retouching & Restoration Smashing Photoshop CS5 is the perfect springboard for sparking new ideas & gaining inspiration for all your projects. Smashing Magazine (smashingmagazine.com) is one of the worlds most popular web design sites. True to the Smashing mission the Smashing Magazine book series delivers useful & innovative information to Web designers & developers. ...

Readers can discover all the foul facts about the SMASHING SAXONS including who got cow pats as Christmas presents why wearing a pig on your head is lucky & how to make a dead Saxon happy. Wth a bold accessible new look & a heap of extra-horrible bits these bestselling titles are sure to be a huge hit with yet anoher generation of Terry Deary fans. ...

History with twice the nasty bits.. .in a horrible new edition. The Smashing Saxons" tells the terrible truth about the pillaging people who bashed the Brits but got nobbled by the Normans. " The Stormin Normans" follows big bad Bill the Conqueror who battled at Hastings stormed Europe & joined the crummy Crusades. Featuring curious quizzes rotten recipes gruesome games & terrible tests.. .for your teacher
- history has never been so horrible."
...

The ultimate guide to Word Press from the worlds most popular resource for web designers & developers As one of the hottest tools on the web today for creating a blog Word Press has evolved to be much more that just a blogging platform & has been pushed beyond its original purpose. With this new edition of a perennially popular Word Press resource Smashing Magazine offers you the information you need so you can maximize the potential & power of Word Press. Word Press expert Thord Daniel Hedengren takes you beyond the basic blog to show you how to leverage the capabilities of Word Press to power advanced websites. Addresses new theming options custom post types custom headers menus background & more Explains how to build beautiful & unique Word Press themes & creating amazing navigation Walks you through building plugins integrating theme options creating custom login forms & admin themes & using the Loop to control content Zeroes in on building a Word Press project for SEO Highlights integrating Word Press with the social web Smashing Word Press Third Edition teaches you how to make Word Press look any way you like--from a corporate site to a photography gallery & much much more! ...

When Mick Rathbone signed for Birmingham City as a 16 year-old apprentice he was living every schoolboy's dream. But when he discovered he was so nervous he was unable to speak let alone pass the ball in the presence of his boyhood hero & City star Trevor Francis he realised that a career in football might not be everything he had imagined. The Smell of Football is the brutally honest & utterly unputdownable story of how ' Baz' conquered his personal demons to build a life in the game
- from the terrified teenager who purposely tried to get injured in training rather than get picked for the first team to the experienced pro who became Head of Medicine at Premier League Everton FC in charge of the treatment of the likes of Wayne Rooney Louis Saha & Tim Cahill. Brilliantly written & packed with hilarious tales featuring a football 'who's who' cast of characters
- from Sir Alf Ramsey & ' Big Sam' Allardyce to David Moyes Duncan Ferguson & Rooney himself
- The Smell of Football is an engrossing & moving memoir that covers every aspect of the professional game & gives an unprecedented insight into what life is really like at football's coalface.


...

How does your dog smell? Very well as it happens! With up to 100 times as many olfactory receptors as humans dogs use their sense of smell to 'see' & interpret their world just as we do with our eyes. A dog's keen sense of smell is helped by a wet nose which has a layer of mucus that absorbs some scent molecules more quickly allowing even the faintest scent to be detected & followed. & it's not just specialist hounds such as gun drug & bomb detection dogs that have this amazing ability. All dogs love to sniff out new smells & messages
- their very own 'p-mail'!
- Your faithful friend can be taught to find those lost car keys tell you if your food contains minute traces of nuts or even locate a missing person & in such a way that these 'nose games' are great fun for both of you! This book
Includes:: How does a dog's nose work? Hide & seek games for beginners; What is my dog telling me? Which scent is that? Following trails; more trailing challenges; & advanced exercises.


...

Bill is stinkier than ever in this brilliant new chapter book full of Smelly Bills smelly adventures on one very whiffy weekend! When Bills family decide to go away for a weekend Bill is taken to the kennels. Now they can have a nice relaxing holiday without any trouble or can they...?! Join the multi-award winning Smelly Bill for three brand new adventures with illustrations throughout! ...

Young Peter Pod was a little bit odd: he ate nothing but peas fresh or tinned for breakfast & brunch for dinner & lunch though he always had terrible wind! Peter is different. He only ever eats peas & they make him green & rather smelly! Then one day he is picked up by a spaceship full of aliens who whisk him away to make him their king. ...