As a boy Michael Simkins always wanted to be someone. While his friends were out getting laid & stoned he was tucked up at home dreaming of his name in lights of holding an audience rapt of perhaps becoming a TV heart-throb or having someone anyone ask for his autograph in the supermarket. This is the story of an obsessive pursuit of acting fame. It is a life marked by occasional hard-fought successes & routine helpings of ritual humiliation: scout hut Gilbert & Sullivan dodgy rock operas sewage farm theatre workshop Christmas panto hell straight-to-video film flops leading roles in Crimewatch reconstructions & dressing up as a chicken to advertise TV dinners. It is a hilarious tale of turgid theatre tights trusses & tonsil tennis with Timothy Spall.