People with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorders have a serious mental illness that primarily affects their intimate personal & family relationships Often they appear to be normally functioning at work & in public interactions & Narcissists may even be highly effective in the short term in some work or social situations However in intimate relationships they can be emotional aggressive demeaning illogical paranoid accusing & controlling-in the extreme Their ability to function normally or pleasantly can suddenly change in an instant like flipping a switch These negative behaviors don't happen once in a while they happen almost continuously in their intimate relationships & most often & especially with their Caretaker family member Here Margalis Fjelstad describes how people get into a Caretaker role with a Borderline or Narcissist & how they can get out Caretakers give up their sense of self to become who & what the Borderline or Narcissist needs them to be This compromises the Caretaker's self-esteem distorts their thinking processes & locks them into a Victim-Persecutor-Rescuer pattern with the Borderline or Narcissist The book looks at the underlying rules & expectations in these relationships & shows Caretaker's how to move themselves out of these rigid interactions & into a healthier more productive & positive lifestyle-with or without the Borderline Narcissistic partner or family member It describes how to get out of destructive interactions with the Borderline or Narcissist & how to take new more effective actions to focus on personal wants needs & life goals while allowing the Borderline or Narcissist to take care of themselves It presents a realistic yet compassionate attitude toward the self-destructive nature of these relationships & gives real life examples of how individuals have let go of their Caretaker behaviors with creative & effective solutions