How to Appear Normal at Social Events is an illustrated guide to modern life. Largely based on Lord Birthday's popular Instagram account, the book offers excessively absurd, occasionally wise advice on topics ranging from finding your life's purpose to defending yourself against forest clowns. (Hint: Set an oatmeal trap.) ...

This fantastically witty collection of illustrated advice follows the toings & froings of Lord Birthday, a protagonist for our times His eccentric lifestyle is matched only by the ode to joy that his insightful advice on facing up to life's paradoxes & limitations By commenting on the absurdity of the daily routine & the human condition, Lord Birthday provides hope & strength to all who follow his words of wisdom How To Appear Normal At Social Events is the perfect gift for that friend or relative who has always swum against the tide & needs reassurance that most of the things people do make no sense
- & that's OK.
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The art of being a good husband is not an easy one. This little guide was written for the middle classes of the 1930s who were reading one of the first modern self-help books. Illustrated with contemporary line-drawings, it contains advice by turns delightfully arcane & timelessly true, for example: Don't squeeze the tube of toothpaste from the top instead of from the bottom. This is one of the small things of life that always irritates a careful wife. Don't think that your wife has placed waste-paper baskets in the rooms as ornaments. Don't tell your wife terminological inexactitudes, which are, in plain English, lies. A woman has wonderful intuition for spotting even minor departures from the truth. Do cultivate the habit of coming down to breakfast with a smile. Remember that as the head of the house, it is your duty to see that everyone starts the day in an atmosphere of happiness. Don't criticise the food at your own table when you are entertaining & especially refrain from doing so before the servants. ...

The art of being a good wife is not an easy one. This little guide was written for the middle classes of the 1930s who were reading one of the first modern self-help books. Illustrated with contemporary line-drawings, it contains advice by turns delightfully arcane & timelessly true! ...

From the best-selling authors of " How to Poo at Work" & " How to Bonk at Work" comes the follow-up that everyone's been waiting for: " How to Bonk in Public" will help you get busy wherever you are! You know the feeling
- a bit bored at the bus stop & need something to occupy your time for ten minutes, or you find the latest exhibition of blobby sculptures at the local art gallery dreadfully dull. Well worry no more about what to do, for " How to Bonk in Public" will liberate your mind, body & soul with more than 50 ways to get busy outdoors & the solutions to more than 50 problems you may encounter. Too many people around? No problem, this book's full of ideas to get you far from the madding crowd. Broad daylight? Don't panic, you will find many ways to avoid lines of sight. Next time you hear someone say 'smash it' at a football match you'll know exactly what to do & where to go!
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One of the funniest & most astutely observed works on the sexes since James Thurber, How to Make Your Man Behave in 21 Days of Less Using the Secrets of Professional Dog Trainers (over 207, 000 copies in print) turns the often-expressed axiom " Men are dogs" into a howling little handbook on men for contemporary women. Doggie Dos & Don'ts: " Gentle strokes & playful petting techniques are positive motivational techniques for rewarding good behavior." & Flight & Chase Behavior: " If your dog is running away from you, the worst thing to do is chase after him... remain calm, act like you're having loads of fun without him, & soon he'll be trotting eagerly back." Doggie Dogmas: " Dogs like to eat out of your plate." " It's pointless to compete for the attention of a dog caught up in a ball game." & a quick primer on personality & temperament, from The Sporting Dog (requires daily exercise, gets bored easily, needs lots of attention) to The Hound (instinctually driven to chase & catch nearly anything that moves). With its tongue-in-cheek humor & illustrations that evoke an old Esquire magazine, How to Make Your Man Behave in 21 Days of Less assures that control will be yours forever, as behavioral problems vanish within twenty-one days. It's guaranteed. ...

Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin
- this hilarious book could save your career & get you the keys to the executive washroom!
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The days of wooing your love with embarrassing poetry or rambling love letters are over. Here begins the new dawn in the evolution the language of love: emoji. With a wealth of emojis on offer to convey your adoration, from kissy faces & hearts-for-eyes, to saucier combinations like the lock & key, there is no end to the ways you can declare your love. & this book will guide you through each stage of your relationship with phrases for every occasion. Step back Shakespeare: wherefore are thou, aubergine? Sections include: pick-up lines, what not to say on a first date, how to say I love you, living together, the proposal, breaking up, love songs & romantic films (sure you can translate Ghost, but how would you do Fifty Shades of Grey?). A perfect gift for Valentines Day, youll never just send a boring row of hearts again. ...

Written in a simple Q&A format, HOW TO TALK TO YOUR CAT ABOUT GUN SAFETY answers crucial questions such as, ' What is the right age to talk to my cat about the proper use of firearms?' & ' What are the benefits of my cat living a lifestyle of abstinence?' & especially ' Why does my cat need to use the internet? Can't he just play with yarn like cats used to do?' ...

Brilliantly whimsical yet oddly informative, The Oatmeal.com is an entertainment site full of comics, quizzes, & stories. Matthew Inman, creator of The Oatmeal.com, is a king of all trades when it comes to the Web. He writes, draws, & codes everything on the site, & his viral marketing skills make the site a huge success. How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You is a very funny, creative selection of comics, facts, & instructional guides, which all stem from the creative wonderland at The Oatmeal.com. ...