An anecdote-driven narrative of the classic footballer's 'DOs & DO NOTs' from the ever-popular Arsenal legend & football pundit Paul Merson aka ' The Merse'. When it comes to advice on the pitfalls of life as a professional footballer Paul Merson can pretty much write the manual. In fact that's exactly what he's done in this hilarious new book which manages to be simultaneously poignant & gloriously funny. Merson was a prodigiously talented footballer in the 80s & 90s gracing the upper echelons of the game
- & the tabloid front pages
- with his breathtakingly skills & larger-than-life off-field persona. His much-publicised battles with gambling drug & alcohol addiction are behind him now & football fans continue to be drawn to his sharp footballing brain & playful antics on Sky Sports cult results show Soccer Saturday. The book delights & entertains with a treasure chest of terrific anecdotes from a man who has never lost his love of football & his inimitable joie de vivre through a 25-year association with the Beautiful Game. The DO NOTs include: DO NOT adopt ' Champagne' Charlie Nicholas as your mentor DO NOT share a house with Gazza DO NOT regularly place GBP30 000 bets at the bookie's DO NOT get so drunk that you can't remember the 90 minutes of football you just played in DO NOT manage Walsall (at any cost) How Not to be a Professional Footballer is a hugely entertaining moving & laugh-out-loud funny story.

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An anecdote-driven narrative of the classic footballers DOs & DO NOTs from the ever-popular Arsenal legend & football pundit Paul Merson aka The Merse. When it comes to advice on the pitfalls of life as a professional footballer Paul Merson can pretty much write the manual. In fact thats exactly what hes done in this hilarious new book which manages to be simultaneously poignant & gloriously funny. Merson was a prodigiously talented footballer in the 80s & 90s gracing the upper echelons of the game
- & the tabloid front pages
- with his breathtakingly skills & larger-than-life off-field persona. His much-publicised battles with gambling drug & alcohol addiction are behind him now & football fans continue to be drawn to his sharp footballing brain & playful antics on Sky Sports cult results show Soccer Saturday. The book delights & entertains with a treasure chest of terrific anecdotes from a man who has never lost his love of football & his inimitable joie de vivre through a 25-year association with the Beautiful Game. The DO NOTs include: DO NOT adopt Champagne Charlie Nicholas as your mentor DO NOT share a house with Gazza DO NOT regularly place GBP30 000 bets at the bookies DO NOT get so drunk that you cant remember the 90 minutes of football you just played in DO NOT manage Walsall (at any cost) How Not to be a Professional Footballer is a hugely entertaining moving & laugh-out-loud funny story.

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As a mother are you comfortable in your skin? Want to know how best to be a stay-at-home or working mum? Babies have very simple needs yet many parents are overwhelmed with elaborate advice on how to meet them. In How Not to F*** Them Up leading child psychologist Oliver James argues that your under-threes do not need training; it's getting your head straight as a parent that's important. Drawing on extensive interviews & the lastest clinical research James identifies three basic types of mum: the Hugger the Organiser & the Fleximum. Outlining the benefits & pitfalls of each How Not to F*** Them Up shows you how to recognise which style suits you best & outlines simple strategies to reconcile personal ambitions with the needs of your family. Empowering & provocative Oliver James will help you make the best choices for bringing up a happy confident child. ...

Her passion is fashion...but shes on a budget! Personal shopper Annie Valentine is about to hit the big time: presenting a glamorous TV makeover series! But too late Annie discovers this is TV on a shoestring. Theyre paying her buttons & her budget is zip. Can she make do with Primark when all she wants is Prada? ...

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the bookshop comes bestselling author Richard Wilsons triumphant follow up to Cant Be Arsed & Dont Even Think About It! How Not to Talk Like an Arse is Mr Wilsons hilarious & topical self righteous stab at the modern day vernacular taking aim at the invention of ridiculous nonsensical words that not only are just plain crap but also make those who dare speak them sound like complete twits. Richard waxes lyrical on awful words such as Ciao Hurting Fashionista & Staycation. He also lets loose on how those words were created & how they escaped & survived in the wild instead of being killed at a young age. Written in Richards utterly fantastic ranting style this sharp-shooting of the ridiculousness of the modern english language
- & the morons who use it
- is a must-have for everyone this Christmas.

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The craft of sitcom is possibly the hardest of all screenwriting genres demanding a complex set of skills. How NOT to Write a Sitcom is a troubleshooting guide aimed at both the novice & the practising sitcom writer. It illustrates & explains the many pitfalls in concept characterisation plotting & dramatic/comedic writing which pepper the hundreds of scripts submitted every year. Each point is illustrated with an example of the error & each section contains practical suggestions & exercises for the writer to apply to their own writing. The book makes no assumption of the reader other than an interest in the form. It contains interviews with current producers as well as interviews with successful practioners of the craft. Marc Blake is a script consultant writer & teacher of writing for sitcom. In this book he acts as a script mechanic for writers
- stripping a sitcom down to its component parts isolating the faults & fixing them. What script editors & producers are looking for are scripts that work. Naturally they want a genius in embryo but above all they first want to see something that is roadworthy.
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Never has contemporary fiction been more widely discussed & passionately analysed; recent years have seen a huge growth in the number of reading groups & in the interest of a non-academic readership in the discussion of how novels work. Drawing on his weekly Guardian column Elements of Fiction John Mullan examines novels mostly of the last ten years many of which have become firm favourites with reading groups. He reveals the rich resources of novelistic technique setting recent fiction alongside classics of the past. Nick Hornbys adoption of a female narrator is compared to Daniel Defoes; Ian Mc Ewans use of weather is set against Austens & Hardys; Carole Shields chapter divisions are likened to Fanny Burneys. Each section shows how some basic element of fiction is used. Some topics (like plot dialogue or location) will appear familiar to most novel readers; others (metanarrative prolepsis amplification) will open readers eyes to new ways of understanding & appreciating the writers craft. How Novels Work explains how the pleasures of novel reading often come from the formal ingenuity of the novelist. It is an entertaining & stimulating exploration of that ingenuity. Addressed to anyone who is interested in the close reading of fiction it makes visible techniques & effects we are often only half-aware of as we read. It shows that literary criticism is something that all fiction enthusiasts can do. Contemporary novels discussed include: Monica Alis Brick Lane; Martin Amiss Money; Margaret Atwoods The Blind Assassin; A.S. Byatts Possession; Jonathan Coes The Rotters Club; J.M. Coetzees Disgrace; Michael Cunninghams The Hours; Don De Lillos Underworld; Michel Fabers The Crimson Petal & the White; Ian Flemings From Russia with Love; Jonathan Franzens The Corrections; Mark Haddons The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time; Patricia Highsmiths Ripley under Ground; Alan Hollinghursts The Spell; Nick Hornbys How to Be Good; Ian Mc Ewans Atonement; John le Carres The Constant Gardener; Andrea Levys Small Island; David Mitchells Cloud Atlas; Andrew OHagans Personality; Orhan Pamuks My Name Is Red; Ann Patchetts Bel Canto; Ruth Rendells Adam & Eve & Pinch Me; Philip Roths The Human Stain; Jonathan Safran Foers Everything Is Illuminated; Carol Shieldss Unless; Zadie Smiths White Teeth; Muriel Sparks Aiding & Abetting; Graham Swifts Last Orders; Donna Tartts The Secret History; William Trevors The Hill Bachelors; & Richard Yatess Revolutionary Road. ...

The key tenet of THE HOW OF HAPPINESS is that every human being has a happiness set point which depending on how high or low it is can determine how positive or negative they feel. This book offers a practical approach to help readers increase their set point & find a level of happiness above that which they would normally feel & feel more satisfaction in life. Based on scientific research & trials this is a groundbreaking book that offers a practical plan to enable readers to achieve a more positive outlook at home at work & in their personal life. It will also be of enormous benefit to the hundreds of thousands of people who suffer from depression in the UK as it provides the tools to feel better about life. ...

What were the principal causes of death in the past? Could your ancestor have been affected? How was disease investigated & treated & what did our ancestors think about the illnesses & the accidents that might befall them? Simon Wills's fascinating survey of the diseases that had an impact on their lives seeks to answer these questions. His graphic detailed account offers an unusual & informative view of the threats that our ancestors lived with & died of. He describes the common causes of death
- cancer cholera dysentery influenza malaria scurvy smallpox stroke tuberculosis typhus yellow fever venereal disease & the afflictions of old age. Alcoholism is included as are childbirth & childhood infections heart disease mental illness & dementia. Accidents feature prominently
- road & rail accidents accidents at work
- & death through addiction & abuse is covered as well as death through violence & war. Simon Wills's work gives a vivid picture of the hazards our ancestors faced & their understanding of them. It also reveals how life & death have changed over the centuries how medical science has advanced so that some once-mortal illnesses are now curable while others are just as deadly now as they were then. In addition to describing causes of death & setting them in the context of the times his book shows readers how to find & interpret patient records death certificates & other documents in order to gain an accurate impression of how their ancestors died.


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Although Parliament is constantly in the news & televised daily much of its work remains a mystery to outsiders & is sometimes perplexing even to its own members. This book provides a unique insight into the work & daily life of Parliament. It sets out plainly & intelligibly what goes on & why things happen but it also analyses the pressures within the institution its strengths & weaknesses & ways in which it might change. Covering every aspect of the work membership & structures of both Houses this book also reflects the profound changes that have taken place in Parliament over the years. ...