With illustrations by Terry Willers For the unprepared visitor Irish conversation can be a minefield. Hows the craic ? is not an assumption that you are well versed in the properties of narcotics substances merely an enquiry after your health & general well-being. A seemingly easy question like Youre not from around here are ye? requires a far more detailed reply than No Im not. In order not to be thought rude you should supply details of where you live why you are in Ireland the tiny village now deserted from which your great-great grandfather emigrated in the year dot & to be really accepted your salary figure marital status & daily eating habits! To the uninitiated advice like this might seem extreme but as Tadhg Hayes points out the proper answer will save you from insistent & repeated questioning which in the case of the Irish is motivated by genuine interest & not just downright nosiness. Having safely negotiated the opening gambits plenty of other conversational pitfalls await the visitor. GIFT OF THE GAB covers them all & will see you through any topic from THE WEATHER SPORT DRINK DEATH how to interpret travel directions & statements on a persons financial situation (see THE POOR MOUTH). For Improvers there are useful phrases to add colour to your conversation including the essential feck fecking & its variations. All in all the most essential thing after your umbrella you will need for an enjoyable holiday in Irel&.