When Jon Holmes became a father (twice) he was asked to fill in a form detailing his family medical history Except he couldn't because he has no idea who his family are Born to an unnamed unmarried mother & an unknown father & given up for adoption at four weeks old Jon decided to document his own history so that one day he could pass it on to his children It's a story of how boys grow up to become (stupid) men of sexual misadventure of being accidentally shot in the face of spiders a ghost a fatally injured gerbil American road trips that went wrong becoming inadvertently locked in Graham Norton's toilet with an Oscar nominated screenwriter being removed from Mrs Thatcher's vicinity by her security detail & having loving parents who did their best to bring up a child that wasn't theirs Part memoir part hilarious insight into why men are so inept this is the true story of how an unwanted baby in the Midlands went on to become a wanted man in the state of Texas & everything that happened in between His children will never be allowed to read it